A sociopath has stolen everything I own by moving into my lawful apartment, changing the locks, assuming my identity, and holding my personal possessions hostage. Before you assume I have done anything to bring this on myself, because that is what we do in America, I assure you I have not. This is, quite simply, a pernicious sociopath so desperate to have a home that she has stolen mine out from under me, living out her own version of “Single White Female” except she is black and I am white.
Imagine yourself in this scenario and tap into what little empathy you might have left and think critically, if possible.
The San Francisco Police, the Tenants Union, private attorneys, The Rent and Stabilization Board, and The Homeless Advocacy Project all respond in unison: a crime has been committed against me and they, along with the sociopath and her enabling accomplice (yes my roommate of over 7 years seems to prefer the company of the sociopath over me and is an accomplice to this crime), are all waiting as to what I will do to insist justice be served.
As far as the roommate, her sense of what is meaningful is somehow challenged and like most people who come in contact with a sociopath, is easily charmed. It feels good to be in the good graces of a conniving manipulative sociopath. For instance, my roommate gushes about how the sociopath makes her breakfast, but in reality the sociopath leaves her leftovers from breakfast behind, offering them graciously so my roommate will be manipulated into cleaning up the breakfast dishes the sociopath left behind. Yet, my roommate has never once shown any appreciation that I have never been late on rent in over 7 years.
Despite the sociopath making me the victim, I have all the power. I have the power because I learned over time how not to be manipulated into an emotional reaction, even when I am the victim of a violent, malevolent crime. Which this certainly is. I have gone through the various steps and necessary measures to protect myself from reacting on an emotional level so as not to do anything that might put me at more risk than I already am. For I, a middle aged woman who suffers a rare, chronic, autoimmune illness for which I occasionally undergo chemotherapy to treat, am currently homeless.
I also have all the power because I know the sociopath’s true nature. We were coworkers in 2007. Curiousity always got the best of me over the years, as she disappeared in and out of my life ( as sociopaths often do) and as she made attempts to warm up to me and as she made attempts to pull me in, I felt more like an anthropologist studying the social behavior of a sociopath rather than a friend who could offer sympathy to the ongoing plight of her life story.
This is the story I have been told: Sociopath grew up having to run from the federal government. Her mother was a drug addict and always shacking up with her dealers. Baby sociopath recalls having to leave in the dead of night to escape some sort of traumatic event, leaving her toys behind. Eventually sociopath’s mother resorted to alcoholism once the drugs became too difficult to access.
Toddler sociopath was ripped from her twin brother and her family since mother and sociopath moved into sociopath’s maternal grandparents home where things stabilized, somewhat. Sociopath did not recall that she had a twin brother, until, in her 20’s, her grandparents and mother reminded her. Sociopath attempted a relationship with father and twin brother, while fighting off incestuous advances from her step brothers and could never really relate to her twin brother, who grew up in a less stable and secure environment than sociopath did. In 2015, sociopath’s father died suddenly, and when sociopath squeezed his hand to say goodbye while he lay in hospital, sociopath’s mrsa reacted and she became covered in boils. Months after, sociopath’s twin brother committed suicide. It is no wonder sociopath admitted to me she has been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and seeks treatment and is on medication for the disorder.
I have personally witnessed sociopath go from job to job, always maintaining she is the victim of some sort of workplace discrimination. I have witnessed her have to leave her various living situations which never last very long, always maintaining it was the roommates or landlords being unfair. Sociopath is an alcoholic and years ago was arrested for driving while intoxicated, and nearly killed herself and other drivers in oncoming traffic. Her car weaved off the side of the road and landed in a ditch. She was arrested and now has a DUI on her record. I know this because she told me as part of her required Alcoholics Anonymous steps of admitting honesty (I believe this is Step 9 of the 12 Step Recovery Program). Had she not been required to do this, I doubt she would have told me. Sociopaths hate to appear flawed. In her twisted mind, she actually believed I was somehow responsible for the fact that she had to humble herself and admit her flaw, for I started receiving messages from her debt collectors demanding payment for her attorney’s fees.
Sociopaths blame everyone else. They actually believe the lies they spin. Her reason for locking me out of my own home? She claims I am not trustworthy and will steal from her. How is sociopath in my lawful space to begin with? Between her last failed living arrangement and her trip to Europe she needed a temporary housing arrangement. I was away for a little while anyway, and was paid up on my rent. Why did I willfully allow sociopath into my home knowing her history? Because I am NOT a sociopath and her need seemed compelling and her desperation I pitied. I make no apology for being a human being and showing compassion, even to the most diabolical and manipulative among us.
When I cited California Penal code law and stated I know my rights and sociopath and her enabling accomplice are in violation of my right, and when I demanded they remove the locks, the sociopath’s response was to claim I was untrustworthy. I, who have consistently paid rent on time, have never caused a disturbance, and respect my neighbors, am not trustworthy apparently and therefore deserve to have my belongings held hostage to the whims of a sociopath, and have my life and my home stolen out from under me.
When sociopath and her enabling accomplice said they’d be willing to sit down in a “Godfather” -like scene of intimidation and extortion to discuss times and dates when they would allow me access to my own lawful space, and access to my legal, personal possessions my only response was “I don’t negotiate with terrorists.”
When sociopath announced she would use the police to watch over me during which times she would allow me to retrieve my belongings, the police said “She actually has it backwards. If you need our protection from her since she is clearly committing a crime, call us. You don’t need our permission to change out an illegal lock and enter into your own home.” In other words, “drill baby drill.” (I apologize for continuing to quote Republicans.)
We have all heard the same sob story ad nauseum of the unfeeling tech bro coming in and dumping millions of dollars into the coffers of greedy San Francisco landlords who illegally displace people out of their homes. This is not that story.
This is the story of a weak, manipulative, calculated sociopath, a narcissist so desperate to have a home she is willing to commit a criminal offense and put an innocent chronically disabled person in imminent danger to do so.
These are the types of scenarios San Francisco creates by celebrating the billions of dollars infused into our communities, rather than protecting the communities themselves, which leaves the most vulnerable among us either victimized by power-wielding law manipulating money makers, or victimized by the sociopaths, such as this one, who live in constant fight or flight mode and live in a state of constant extreme desperation to have some semblance of stability. The threat of homelessness is an ever present panic that grips their every moment.
San Francisco’s resources are overburdened. The measures to which I have gone to have to help myself, the hoops which I have had to jump through, the complicated system which I have had to navigate blindly, are designed to discourage people from standing up for themselves and seek justice when a crime has been committed against them.
But one thing I have learned in this process is that all of the agencies within the City have one thing in common with me: they are aware of the nature of the sociopaths that walk among us in San Francisco. And our singular agenda is the same: to expose them and flush them. Even if it means that by exposing them, it may cause us great harm. To expose a narcissistic sociopath is to put yourself at great risk. I don’t recommend it. But, I don’t recommend living in fear either.
Sociopaths are only empowered and enabled when they control you through fear.